


Chasm

by orphan_account



Series: Identity [2]
Category: NSYNC
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-10
Updated: 2010-03-10
Packaged: 2017-10-07 20:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joey was Catholic.  Maybe he still is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chasm

**Author's Note:**

> Completed set of unrelated stories based on themes of duality and identity.

Joey used to go to church regularly. He had a rosary given to him by his mother ages ago, its dark green beads shiny with fervent use. At least they used to be shiny, because it's been a while since he's taken it out of its velvet pouch. The rosary became a permanent resident in his favorite backpack's pocket, a holy but near forgotten remnant of what he used to do faithfully.

It was difficult for him to reconcile who he was now to the person he was then. Success hadn't spoiled him; in many ways he knew himself to be the same, although he lived in better surroundings and dressed in much more expensive clothes.

Maybe that's the trap, he thought. You get so preoccupied by the things changing right on you, ahead of you and around you that you lose track of what's changing inside you.

He resolved to get the rosary out of its hiding place later on.

***

 

Chris had put a disco mix in the boom box inside the bus, and Joey was trying not to wince at how awful some of the songs were. But then, Chris was aware of that, and smiled devilishly at Joey while dancing badly to the strains of _I Love the Nightlife_, thrusting his hips every which way.

"C'mon, Joe. Let's boogie!"

"How the hell do you stand listening to this shit?" Joey said, with a grimace on his face while keeping track of Chris's dancing.

"Because it's really bad shit! Good lesson to learn, man. This is what we avoid."

"We'll never be as cheesy as this."

"I'm sure they said the same thing about disco at one point."

"Huh."

Chris glanced at him, a crooked grin lighting his features. "Maybe the sex and drugs helped. Orgies and coke galore. The beat must have helped them with the rhythm method or something."

Joey grinned and said, "Who, me? You tryin' to say something, Kirkpatrick?"

Chris shook his head in fond amusement and continued on his spiel. "The spirit of the 70's lives on in me, Joey. No denyin' it," Chris said as he tried to imitate John Travolta's famous pose. "Think about it though. At least they had coke and orgies. If and when the time comes that people think we suck, what'll they blame it on? Non-alcoholic beer and clean vegetarian living, that's what."

Joey couldn't help but laugh. "You're fucked, you know that? You think about the time we flop that much?"

Chris's smile changed into a wry one. "I gotta. I'm nearly fucking 30, Joe. There's only so much time left on my fifteen minutes before I look really ridiculous humping the floor every night."

"Really ridiculous?"

"It's just ridiculous right now. Room for growth as I get older though."

Joey looked at Chris with a little awe. "How can you think about it so…calmly? Tell the truth, it'd be like the end. Not of the world or anything, but something close to that."

"You gotta stop thinking about it like that, Joe. It'll be like a chapter ending, nothing more, nothing less. It'll be a fucking amazing chapter, but it'll end. It has to."

A sudden awareness flooded Joey. "You already know when, don't you? Not like an exact date, but you have a gut feeling, like what year or some freaky shit like that."

Chris turned off the music as a sad smile crept across his features. "Things are on track."

***

 

He found himself terrified by the prospect. An *NSYNC-less Joey Fatone was what exactly? A singer who never gets lead on the hit singles, he thought. A goofball everyone thought was mildly funny. The guy who used to be in a band and had the beard and stuff. The not so cute one, along with the other not so cute one.

No, he asserted. He's the good father, the good friend, the good son, the good brother, in the future the good husband, and hopefully a good actor. A decent all around human being. Those were constants, he was sure of it now and vowed to make sure of it in the future.

He grasped his rosary and rubbed its beads, the familiarity of the motion soothing him. For the first time in a long while, he sat and prayed quietly in the bus, while Chris was in the bathroom and after Chris had gone to bed. He stumbled over Glory Be but continued on, a prayer for every bead, undeterred.

***

 

They met up at JC's house for a meeting. There was always lots of food there, which always confused the other four members considering JC's size, but they haven't questioned why that's so.

Over chips and dip, with much hemming and hawing, JC and Justin revealed a few things.

"We're both gay," Justin said.

"And we're together," JC said.

Both looked terrified as they faced the other three, as if about to be executed by three gunmen. Joey couldn't help but notice how they held each other's hand so tightly, with JC's thumb smoothing circles over Justin's knuckles.

"We're sorry to just lay it out like that, without any warning. We thought it would be easier though, if we just said everything as fast as possible." JC said in a whispery tone. "It's just that, it was getting hard, hiding."

What seemed like an eternity passed, with JC and Justin holding their breaths, and the other three staring in mute shock.

"How long has this been going on?" Joey asked incredulously.

"A few months," Justin replied.

"Isn't that a little," Joey struggled to say the word, "incestuous, what you two are doing? You've known each other for years. JC, you knew him when he was twelve. That's gross! He's like your little brother."

JC looked battered after that. "It was never like that," he said, his face etched with what seemed like infinite sadness.

Justin, meanwhile, looked furious, his eyes flashing with rage. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about, Joey, so just shut the fuck up," he threatened through mercilessly clamped jaws.

"I guess I just don't get it," Joey explained hastily. "Not that I am, you know, but, I couldn't, I just couldn't imagine it, with any of you, just no, and two of you hooking up, can't, it's just too-" he continued brokenly, then just stopped completely to stare at his feet.

With considerate delicacy, JC said, "Those are your lines in the sand, Joey. Not mine, and not Justin's." Justin grabbed JC's hand even tighter, with veins popping out a slivery, violent blue.

Chris, who had been quiet up to this point, went and grabbed both JC and Justin and hugged them. Or at least tried to, because Lance got there at almost the same time as him. The pair's relief was palpable. Justin sobbed softly as JC kissed him on his cropped hair, murmuring what seemed like assurances.

"We're all still friends here," Lance said, his tone intense. "Some of us just need to be reminded of that." Chris looked at Joey, his dark eyes pleading with Joey to join them.

"I need time," Joey said helplessly. "I need more time."

***

 

After all these years, with many lapses in between, Joey found out how much of a Catholic he still was. He always thought that at this point it was a skin he had shed a long time ago, but faced with JC and Justin, he found himself bound tightly in its laws. An umbilical cord that was never even severed in the first place, just looped around his neck unnoticed all this time, and whether it was a noose or not at this point, he couldn't quite figure out.

There was a huge gap between the way he was and the way he wanted to be, and all he could do was pray that something would come along to fix it.


End file.
